“STEP RIGHT UP, step right up and take your chance to guess where this woman is from,” the carnie hollered. “Is she Puerto Rican? Is she Mexican? Guatemalan, you say? I heard Chinese, Japanese, Hawaiian. With long dark hair like that, I understand that guess. Yes, yes, I did hear you, she could be what? Indian, like Native American? Yes, that, too. If you guess right, you win a date with one of the most exotic-looking young ladies you’ll come across here.”

“How could one young lady possess a face that could come from so many different places, you asked? Well, she’s ADOPTED. Internationally, to be exact.” The carnie winked at the crowd.

The crowd made a resounding, “Aaahhhhhhhh.”

“What, what? Her story? Ah, yes, well before I start that … any last guesses of where she could be from? I hate to stop this round of the game, but it has to come to an end if we want to begin her story.” 

“Portuguese,” called out one player.

“Eerr, sorry we didn’t get any winners this round. Perhaps we’ll get one during her story.” The carnie’s eyes sparkle with excitement and power. He holds the crowd with anticipation, taking a deep breath before announcing, “She’s Colombian,” while tipping his hat, cueing the young lady.

“Aww” and “Ohh” are the mixed reactions coming from the crowd. Those who cried “Aww” are disappointed they didn’t they guess Colombian. But those who reacted with “Ohh” began to peel away from the crowd. They’ve heard of Colombians, known for drug trafficking, cartels, violence, and death. No, they were not going to stick around for the rest of this game.

Meanwhile, the young lady pushed the curved door open to walk out of the clear plastic tube where she sat while the game was played, remembering how her body shook and her palms sweated the first time they played the game. 

But that was two weeks ago now. It all began with the carnie giving her a kind smile that comforted the young lady. Her first week as a fair attraction came with lots of up and downs, but his guidance settled her in. Then one day he posed a question with an arched eyebrow, “Wouldn’t it be fun to have guests predict where you’re from?”

He seemed safe and genuinely kind. “Ah, okay.” She smiled weakly. “But what’s the prize? You need a prize for a game and I don’t have anything to give. Do you?”

“Me, no, no. But you … you definitely do.” He winked.

Puzzled, the young lady smirked and walked away, convincing herself to trust her new friend.

But all that now was a haunting memory.

“Now, now. Don’t fret my friends,” the carnie reassured the players. The game has just begun. You still have a chance to take this beauty out tonight.” 

The possibility of winning a date swayed some players to stay and try their luck.

“For this part of the game I’ll be narrowing down the pool of players. The players who guess correctly will be able to move onto the next round. There will be three questions, and by the end, there will be one winner.” He showcased one finger up in the air.

The crowd answered back with cheers and applause. 

With a wide grin the carnie hollered, “The first ten men to stand on the stage with me will be our players.”

A few rushed the stage and climbed their way on and the rest ran to find the stairs to the stage. Once he found his ten players the carnie continued the game. 

Six men correctly guessed that the young lady was relinquished over abandoned and kidnapped. 

“Now that we have six players, I can finally tell you the young lady’s tragic story. She was given up because both parents died and just by the grace of g-d she survived. Her only remaining relatives were her grandparents, who were too old and had too many medical conditions that would have kept them from being able to care for her properly.” The carnie paused before continuing. “Players, how do you think her parents died:

A – murdered; B – killed in a fire; or C – sick from an illness.”

The players quickly gave their answers and the crowd cheered on the remaining two men. 

“We’re finally at the end of our game. After this question, there’ll be a winner!”

Once there was a clear winner, the carnie walked over to the man and discreetly stuffed a few twenty dollar bills into the winner’s hand. “For your evening,” he said, winking.

The crowd’s roar startled her to her core when the winner reached for her hand. Her heart skipped a beat because he was incredibly handsome. He had to be a dream. Touching his hand brought her back to reality. She pushed back her shoulders and painted a smile across her face. She had a game to play. She took the lead and guided Bill off the stage and into the sticky summer evening.

Once the coast was clear, the young lady jumped into the winner’s arms, for he wasn’t a stranger, but her long lost lover.

“It’s you. It’s really you,” she gasped between kisses.

“I can’t believe I found you! Let’s grab your things and head out of here,” insisted her lover.

“I can’t,” she said, unwrapping herself from him. “I have a game to play. Except this time I won’t be the pawn. I’ve been waiting until I had a way to leave, and now I do.” She squeezed his hand.

The next evening, fair-goers were welcomed with a new interactive attraction. A sign at the ticket booth read:

ONE NIGHT ONLY  – PIE A GUY
We have the pies and the guy!
$1 a pie
9 pm – 10 pm

The PIE A GUY stall swelled. It caught the carnie’s attention.

“Well, well, what do we have here?” he said, pushing his way through the crowds.

“A special show,” hollered the juggler. “Come in the back and you’ll see what we have planned.”

The carnie followed the juggler. Just as he pushed through the tarp wall, he heard someone over the loudspeaker: 

“Ladies and gentlemen! The time has come to pie a guy! Step right up for your chance to pie our guy. This event will only last an hour, so let’s make it count!”

The carnie didn’t recognize the voice. As his mind tried to register who it could be, something caught the corner of his eye, and then he felt a stiff pressure against his sides and back. The once loose tarp walls had become a tight, smooth tunnel made of wood. The only way for him to move was forward.

“Hey! Do you know who I am?!” burst the carnie while pushing back with all his might. His cries were deafened by the cheers of the crowd.

“Here he comes, the man of the hour, our one and only grand master host extraordinaire,” announced the young lady.

Just then, a box was pushed onto the stage with the carnie snug inside, appearing disoriented.

His face registered shock when the wet, sweet slop hit. His hands were tied tightly to his body so he was unable to wipe his face. More slop slapped him. The juggler, the fire breather, and the young lady took turns wiping off the carnie’s face in between pies. This went on until the hour was over. By then the fair owners had come to find the carnie with a sign on his back:

He thought he had us under his thumb.
But we outsmarted this dumb-dumb.
He stole our dignity, money, and yours.
Don’t believe us, check out his trailer door.
That is where he kept his records and treasure.
We divvied it between those he preyed upon for pleasure.
Your share is under his chair.
–  juggler, fire breather, & young lady