Schrödingers adoptee BY ZHEN E RAMMELSBERG The funeral of Sun Yung is not to acknowledge this death, This loss This event This murder This ending of one life. But to celebrate The beginning And the end Of her new lie Did I say lie? I meant LIFE Today—from now on— You will be Jenny. You and everyone else will act as if Sun Yung never existed. You will soon forget that other name.
All These Fabulous Prizes BY HANNAH ANDREWS Jamie felt the color drain from her face and swallowed hard. She stared at the paper, a blank canvas she’d been instructed to fill but on which she’d left no mark. Her hand trembled as she finally penned a solitary four-letter word. “All finished dear?” Nurse Whatshername asked. The words pinged Jamie’s ears, sounding like more of a statement than question.
The Sum, The Parts BY SHELLEY GASKE The sharpness of daffodils linger, the way screams paint themselves onto the walls of a pit. Unseen pollen scrapes my soft tissues. I am not welcome here; my body knows this before my brain. “Sit down,” she coos, with hair the same color as mine. The same battle of stacked vertebrae leaning like an acropolis built on a swamp.
It Begins When it Ends BY LYNNE CONNOR It begins when it ends. Just the two of us, standing on the corner of Pine and Walnut, 4:55 a.m. on the dot. The bus comes between 5:02 to 5:07 a.m. We couldn’t figure out the wheel patterns that circled from Pennsylvania to New York. A four-hour, long-distance commute. Better to be early, my mother taught me. Just in case. So you’re not left
You Can’t Fall in Love Without Consent BY ANGELEEN ROHDA If this was romantic love, maybe You’d see the effect of power dynamics Causing the vulnerable to always remain small If this was romantic love, maybe You would find it strange that a couple Can’t be complete without a child If this was romantic love, maybe You would hear adult adoptee voices Echoing the loss and pain aching in our bones
The Mix-Up:Restart or Resume BY Heather Schultz Gittens My eyes remain in a trance-like state as I process the email from Ha-eun*—my case worker from the National Center for the Rights of the Child: Dec. 13, 2019 at 3:57 a.m.I will closely look at your file and I will try to get more information through hospital and several different police station.I will send you email in next week!! I close my
SPIRIT ANIMALS BY KELLY ROBERTS She turned right off the main desert highway. Impatient white trucks sped past her to their important destinations. She was alone on her healing journey to the Holy Site in the Springs. She wasn’t actually sure where she was going or which place would be the Holy Site. So what? she thought to herself. The Sacred will make itself known. She rolled down her windows, starting her transformation.
A kaleidoscope life BY LUCIA BLACKWELL I was sitting on the couch the other night watching TV with my husband when a rogue wave of grief rose up and threatened to swamp my heart. I could feel the weight of it in my chest, a cold unrelenting squeeze where there should have been a warm pulse of blood. It wasn’t what we were watching—Ted Lasso or Grantchester or something equally innocuous.
FAMILY VACATION BY AUDREY B Family vacation from family relationships with truth forever language absent permanence living extremes as average write the brick as a feather above the sun under the weather eat the silence swallowing air existing successfully in between beginning towards bonding I was told, “go” as invitation to stay learned “run” if ever given a choice with chance… yell quietly
VALLEY OF SHAME BY AKARA SKYE The definition of shame, according to Merriam Webster: A painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety; A condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute; Something that brings censure or reproach. The various ways shame can be manifested, according to several articles from Psychology Today: Can lead to feelings of being flawed, unworthy, inadequate, stupid, foolish;
ALLURED INTO LIFE BY JULIAN WASHIO-COLLETTE LISTEN TO THE AUTHOR READING: I lie in anxious anticipation on the couch at the beginning of an all-day therapeutic session. I wear an eye mask that blocks all sight, all light, and yet I am acutely aware of my two guides sitting in front of me on either side, their silent presence against a backdrop of gentle music, their attention turned toward me. Already I can tell that this is going to
HEALING BY BRAD EWELL Our need for healing is a hard sell to people not living in Adoptee Land. What could we possibly have to heal from? Everyone’s seen Annie get adopted by Daddy Warbucks, or known an adoptee who has nothing but wonderful things to say about adoption, or watched a movie or heard a sermon about the beauty of adoption. Additionally, few in the adoption industry want to discuss the need for healing.
CARING FOR ROCKS BY Anna Grundström There is an old Hindu saying that goes something like this: A person is unable to fill their treasure chest with jewels while it’s still full of rocks. Three years ago in the early summer, my treasure chest was full of rocks I didn’t know how to unload, so naturally it broke. I looked at rocks and pieces of my treasure chest scattered all over the floor, forming an unpleasant arrangement of things that hurt