I yearned for you even before I knew what that word meant

I had scars from you that reminded me of your existence

I used to tell people about you and they thought I had made you up

Today 

I return in my time machine 

To the time when we were each other’s secret 

decadent and delicious because it was only ours

We were twins

In the womb

Still in the process of splitting

We didn’t know where one ended and the other began

Even our mother most likely didn’t know you existed 

Because sometime between you trying to split from me

And only me being born

I lost you

You weren’t ripped from me

You didn’t completely split from me

You were absorbed by me

Like I couldn’t imagine existing without you

So I made you a permanent part of me

Giving you every part of me so you could succeed

And you took from me

But gave me nothing in return

You weren’t there when I needed you

And yet I still mourned you and yearned for you

I found out later 

I was called a Twinless Twin

A Twin who lost their other half

A half without a whole

A half with a hole

And I carried that same pattern into my life

I would give everything 

To everyone

And feel like they took advantage of me

that I never got that same love in return

Every relationship seemed to lack

Fulfillment

The time machine takes me back to the womb where I can see 

You beginning to split 

You are the reason I was born with one ovary 

You took the other one with you

And the reason I was born with two sets of breasts

Thanks for nothing

You were the first one to abandon me

Even before my earth mother could

This time

I give you love 

I nurture both of us

We grow together 

We hug in the womb

Our mother feels and hears two heartbeats 

And when we are born and they lay us together

We hold hands

And I realize ours are the hands I’ve been reaching out for all my life

This time we will take on the world together