These words are being created, 
Birthed from the 4th floor 
of a hotel, in a place 
I don’t live, a state where
I am a visitor, 
at a time, unfamiliar. 
I have already told you too much: 
How loss means found
Day is Night 
how coming together 
requires falling apart 
document to diary understood 
cracking all codes leading to adoption again I have said more 
than is necessary, even tolerated 
Family means Obliterated 

Of course we can! 
of course we do…
love biology, we never knew 
as church bells ring 
sun has set, city center
delivery trucks downshift 
bicycle lanes zag and drift… 
until all grows quiet 
even in this capital, political 
tyrant, hypocritical 
as I consume chips with wine 
and a Chipotle bowl 
as if it’s my last meal. 
How does anyone pen impossible real?
How does a forever citizen family member feel? 

You tell me 
I have asked from the very start of me 
the strong heart of me
mother of all questions 
    Up 
Doesn’t          mean
                                         Down
when a mother’s not around? 
A baby must learn to fly 
before they can talk
or even walk 
down, 
down, 
down they go… 
this basement life of 
“You will never know.” 

“Congratulations!”
you will hear 
you have survived all fears
you belong near… until you don’t 
we love you… until we won’t 
such beauty 
at the brink of crazy 
to be adapted 
forced to be 
emotionally lazy 
not allowed to feel
as if up, is free…
simply “be proud of yourself” 
the YOU, you weren’t allowed to be 
it is so easy being me 
Doesn’t
         Invited
                 mean
                         Deported…